This is me falling in love with my own company and realizing there is nothing scary with being single.
For the longest time, I stayed stuck in relationships that were past the point of saving. I got into half-hearted and almost relationship simply because I thought that having someone around sometimes could chase away my loneliness. I thought that I couldn’t be alone and I depended on another person to be the source of my happiness.
I have come a long way since then. Nowadays, I have learned to cut off contact with toxic people refusing to get involved in their drama. My life is no longer a roll-coaster ride of intense emotions that swing between the extremes of euphoria and melancholy. It has since settled into a comfortable routine of mundane simplicity and ordinary joy.
This is me accepting that it’s okay to be single at my age.
It’s hard not to feel left out when you see your close friends and people around you are getting engaged, married, and having kids. It’s hard not to feel that there might be something wrong with you as no relationship had worked out for you yet. It’s hard not to feel absolutely worried at the prospect of spending the rest of your life alone.
But ultimately, I know that love like everything in life isn’t a competition. Some people meet their life partner at an early part of their life while others meet at a later time. Some people marry their first love and their journey of finding love is just smoother.
There is no comparison here. It is what it is.
What I have learned to do is release the stressful expectation that I have to settle down at a certain age. I learn not to compare my journey with another peer, as we are two totally different individuals. Most importantly, I learn to march to the beat of my heart and prioritize myself as the most important person of my life.
This is me accepting that nothing in life is guaranteed and while I would love nothing more than to fall in love, there are bigger things than that.
Yes, I yearn to fall in love with my soulmate. I would love more than anything to meet someone with the same wavelength and whom I could share my deepest and darkest secrets with. I would be so utterly excited to have a partner in crime and someone whom I can share my amazing and wonderful life with. I look forward to the day that I meet the one who loves and accept me for who I am.
But that is no longer the only goal or sole objective in my life.
I realized that there is indeed a possibility of me never meeting this person and that is okay. I am not less than an individual just because I’m not in a long-term relationship. My life is not any less fulfilled, happy, or lacking just because I’m not hitting certain milestones or societal expectations.
Instead of waiting to meet the person of my dream, I’m building myself up to become my ideal self. Instead of procrastinating on my goal, I’m stepping towards the direction I want to go. Instead of caring so much about what others think, I’m choosing to focus on making my happiness a priority.
This is me realizing that self-love takes time and to be gentle with myself.
Right now, I’m mostly happy and content to be where I am right now. Improvement could be made further but I’m finally comfortable in my own skin and feel at peace with myself. I fill my own light; I hustle hard for my dreams, and I feel truly at ease for once in a long time.